Sunday, March 16, 2008

Tit for Tat

Here's a juicy little tidbit fresh off the Saipan rumor mill. You know that Japanese businessman/tour operator who was arrested for raping a tourist last week...well apparently the poor sap is innocent and this is just the latest battle in a long running feud between this fella and some other Japanese businessman/real estate tycoon who was, shall we say, a tad miffed, over a certain business deal.

Apparently, and this is mostly hearsay, but it's gotta be at least somewhat true cuz hey, you just can't make this stuff up, but apparently to tell the whole story you gotta back the truck up to about a year ago when Japanese real estate tycoon dude showed up on Saipan and employed the services of Japanese tour operator dude (since you don’t tell names and tales too we’ll just identify them as thus for now).

Evidently real estate tycoon dude made a reservation with tour agency dude for a high dollar straight pimpin penthouse crib at the Nikko for something like six months. Well as you can imagine when it came time for the bill it was somewhere in the 100’s of thousands of dollars…but apparently real estate tycoon dude doesn’t have as good an imagination as my loyal readers so he was somewhat peeved at having run up such an astronomical tab and felt he had been overcharged.

So, doing what any respectable 44-year-old Japanese businessman/real estate tycoon dude would do…he and his supposedly yakuza connected Japanese business partner dude took tour operator dude out to a strip club to drink excessively, touch boobies and, oh yeah, of course, talk business.

Well after a while of this they apparently decided that a strip club was not a very conducive environment for discussing serious business and elected to head to Suicide Cliff, a spot we would all agree is much better suited for such transactions. (???) Upon arrival, surprise, surprise, they proceeded to beat the stink out of tour operator dude with a baseball bat, demanding that he either A.) pay them $250,000 or B.) jump off the cliff (ahh…decisions, decisions).

Lucky for tour operator dude however, a randy Korean tour operator dude and his “friend” decided to show up at the cliffs for some 3am “stargazing” (yeah right, I think you can read between the lines there) and scared off the real estate tycoon and yakuza dude. They graciously took the tour operator to the hospital where a CHC nurse informed police of the beating.

Needless to say, business tycoon guy was arrested and while the criminal charges seem like they won’t really amount to much…enter opportunistic bloodsucking lawyer who informs our now black and blue tour operator that he can sue real estate tycoon for some of those big tycoon dollars, or yen…as the case may be. And tour operator dude who apparently doesn’t know when to take a hint and just leave things be decides that this is a great idea and proceeds with civil litigation.

Well obviously no rich businessman is going to take an assault on his money laying down…but he knew someone who would…enter opportunistic slut-for-hire. This is where it really gets salacious…

According to rumor, Japanese real estate tycoon dude hired a woman and her friend to come here from Japan as innocent tourists through the tour company of, who else, but our hapless, though somewhat dim-witted Japanese tour operator dude. This woman and her friend then proceeded to have a big night out on the town with Mr. Gullible…er I mean…tour operator dude and conspired to seduce him (a tough job I’m sure) and lead him to “know” her in a Biblical sense of the word like as Adam knew Eve.

Sooo…you can imagine our dense tour operators surprise when he was arrested a while later on charges of sexual assault and rape. In the words of the immortal Homer Simpson…Doh!

So here’s how things stand as of press time for this blog…Japanese tour operator dude had finally gotten bail reduced from $60,000 to $6,000 and after a few days of sitting in the pokey was finally able to get out, whilst real estate tycoon dude waits for his day in court on both the criminal and civil charges for the beating.

What happens next in this uniquely Saipan epic is anyone’s guess…

Ah-ha Moment of the Day:

Ok now go back and read the title of this post.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Web Hit Whore

In taking a page from Angelo's book I've decided to become a "Hit Whore", if you will, and see how many visits I can get by blogging about something salacious. And what could be more outrageous than the current scandal surrounding the former governor of New York and his expensive "visits" with high end call girl Ashley Alexandra Dupré.

Actually what got me interested in this besides my shameless curiosity, was that I heard that this girl was an aspiring musical artist and that she had a song out on a radio station in New York City as a result of all the attention she had been getting. So I thought it'd be interesting to hear the song and of course since I had that interest I figgered there'd be some others out there who would like to hear what kind of music a high dollar hooker can produce. So, here freshly ripped from her myspace page is Ashley Alexandra Dupré's hit song.

Yeah, so I dunno if you bothered to listen to the whole thing or not I mean honestly it's not really all that catchy so I don't really see this thing going anywhere. In fact, according to the song has been pulled from rotation on Z100 in NYC after only a couple of days.

Ashley Alexandra Dupré (born Ashley Youmans), the alleged call girl known as "Kristen" at the center of New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's prostitution scandal, appeared to hit it big yesterday, when her song "What We Want" was added to Z100's playlist.

"Z100 is all about playing what's hot, and we can't think of anything hotter than a song from the woman at the center of the scandal that took down the governor of New York," Tom Poleman, senior vice president of programming at the New Jersey-based radio station, said in a statement released Thursday. "On top of that, it's not a bad song. Looks like she may have a new career; this time in music."

But just as fast as Spitzer vacated his post, Dupré's song has now been reeled in at Z100. As of Friday afternoon, the track — a pulsating dance number that sounds like it was scraped from the cutting-room floor of a J. Lo recording session — was being playing sparingly on Z100, but not nearly with as much regularity as it had the day before.

Ah well...thank God for looks huh. Speaking of which, when I first saw her picture I thought she bore a striking resemblance to Sandra Bullock, don't ya think?

So...this is what it's like to join in on a media frenzy. Now lets see what it does for my hit traffic...hmm...somehow I now feel kinda dirty.

Letterman's Top Ten of the Day:

Top Ten Surprises During Eliot Spitzer's Resignation
  1. Entered to the sounds of Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin'"
  2. Opening line: "Are you a cop?"
  3. Spent two minutes seductively stroking the microphone
  4. Reaffirmed his policy of "Bro's before Ho's"
  5. His decision not to wear pants
  6. Admitted he also once made out with former Governor Pataki
  7. Credited downfall to fast-paced lifestyle of Albany
  8. He was kinda pitchy, dawg
  9. Said he thought the Emperor's Club was a Chinese restaurant
  10. When reporters asked how much he paid per hour, his wife said, "Believe me, he doesn't need an hour"

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

We're in the No Smoking Section...for now

Like a chain smoker in a family restaurant our fuming neighbor to the north continues to spew forth its debris. And depending on the omniscient forces of the winds we either suffer in its cloud or breathe easy under clear skies. Fortunately the prevailing breezes have been on our side for the past week or so and we have remained blissfully unaware of the maelstrom to our north.

NASA however, did take notice of our resident volcano and even went so far as to photograph it from space and do a little write up about it. Perhaps this picture will help to clarify what I was talking about in my Saipan Stinks post regarding the odoriferous volcanic haze.

Image Acquired: March 05, 2008
Activity on Anatahan
On March 5, 2008, the plume from the Anatahan Volcano appeared to intensify. The Moderate Resolution Imaging Spectroradiometer (MODIS) on NASA’s Terra satellite took this picture the same day. One day earlier, the plume blew away from the volcano toward the northeast. On March 5, the plume hovered over the volcano’s summit, thick enough to completely hide the volcanic island from view. The plume’s position in this image could result from a wind shift, or a burst of volcanic activity shortly before the satellite passed overhead.

If you click on the picture it will take you to a MUCH larger version which shows a surprising amount of detail. I was also impressed with how clearly our beautiful turquoise lagoon shows up from space.

Random One-Liner of the Day:

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Kat!??

Sit down, buckle your seatbelt and hold on to your fairydust tinkerbell cuz I don't do it very often but I'm about to go on a rant...

So apparently 97.9 The Rock will now be known as 97.9 The Kat, I mean I can't say I didn't see it coming since they had basically already changed the format a month or so ago when I completely quit listening but "The Kat"!? Hmm...I guess they needed a lameass name to go with their new lameass format. Well, I'll offer them a big congratulations on suck-ceding in that. I dunno...maybe I'm all alone here but a radio station on this little island that plays nothing but music from the 50's 60's and 70's?? Is that really what the majority of people want to hear around here?

I'll admit The Rock was pretty much my default station on my car radio and while it wasn't as good as some of the satellite stations which I can get at home over the internet, it was at least decent some of the time. I think they even had a liner one time which said something like "You're listening to the Rock 97.9...we suck less", which I thought was pretty dead on. But, it would seem that Sorenson in it's great wisdom decided not only to let Daddy Long Legs and his brother get away (boneheaded mistake #1) but it then decided to change the format of a station which, with a little work, could have been pulling in a decent audience.

Both of my dedicated readers will remember that in one of my previous posts I revealed that I am a child of the late 80's/early 90's so it should not come as too much of a surprise that I would MUCH prefer to hear rock from (in your best announcer voice) "the 80's, 90's and today". And while I got nothing but love for the "classic" rock, I mean groups like CCR, The Beatles, Doors, Hendrix, and Lynard are timeless and they certainly have their place. But these d00ds over at The I mean Kat are purr-ferring to play Barry Manilow, Neil Diamond and other random B-side crap from that era that certainly no one from my generation has ever heard of...or really wants to hear, period. But then again...maybe I'm wrong.

I mean, in the Variety article today the management "conducted a survey on Guam and learned that most of the respondents prefer a classic rock format which is also popular among the listeners in the U.S." Gee ain't that just peachy...I guess that means we over here in SAIPAN get stuck with whatever the majority of folks want in anyone else feeling me here or am I being to SUBTLE?

Well, so as not to be misunderstood on exactly what I think of the new format of 97.9 I've spent some of my valuable time coming up with some alternative names and liners for our new feline themed radio station.

"You're listening to 97.9 The Anal Vacuum, cuz we suck a$$!"

“Keep it tuned here to 97.9 The AM Radio, cuz that's where we belong"

"We are 97.9 The Adult Diaper cuz we're designed for the elderly and we're full of S%*t”

Does anyone else out there have any suggestions for Saipan's latest greatest reincarnation? If so then please feel free to share them with the rest of us in the comments section. I can't wait to see what yall come up with.

When Ipod Tried to Kill the Radio Star

Sucking Quote of the Day:

“The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly' meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks' meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.”

-Larry Hardiman

“Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.”

-Jack Handy