Monday, April 21, 2008

HaoHao Haole

So a friend of mine was telling me the other day that he has decided to start a group called HaoHao Haole on island, and well, since its his idea I guess that means he's the, of course there were no elections, but I'm sure all of its members will agree that he should be president. Oh and did I mention that HaoHao Haole represents all the haole's on island. That's right all of the mainlanders in the CNMI will now be represented by the HaoHao Haole group, shoot, you don't even have to be white, see we're not racist, and no...I know you didn't ask for our representation you're just going to get it anyway.

So as the HaoHao Haole spokesperson, that's me, I just appointed myself...see how easy this is...I would like to question the blueness of the sky. That's right those of us on the HaoHao Haole board have decided that the sky over the CNMI has not been blue enough as of late and we feel that this is, of course, the governments fault and that they should look into this situation immediately as it may soon have some adverse effects on our most prized tourist industry.

But please, good haole people of the CNMI, do not think that we the people of the white, have arrived at this conundrum lightly. No, you see, among my many other talents I also happen to be a self appointed expert in sky blueness so I most certainly know what I am talking about when I self-righteously proclaim that God in his infinite wisdom has not made the sky over the CNMI blue enough over the past few weeks. And yes, I do know what a conundundrum is cuz I jus wrote dis myself, der ain't nobody tellin me what 2 rite. ;-)

So...since it's now public knowledge that we, the HaoHao Haole, represent all of the mainlanders on the island, I will be expecting the media to come to me for my most enlightened opinion on anything and everything that is going on anywhere within this good commonwealth. Because as the wise old saying goes "opinions are like haoles they're all assholes and they stink" no...wait...thats not it..."all haoles are opinionated assholes who stink"...hang on, somethings wrong with that one too..."assholes are like a haole's stinking opinion" nope, stilll not it...oh yeah! now I've got it..."opinions are like assholes every haole has one and they all stink"...hmm...that don't look exactly right either...hang on I'll get it....

My Muse and My Inspiration's Quote of the Day:

"Majority of foreigners and human rights advocates in our homeland cried “wolf” and the elephant came."

-Gregorio Cruz Jr.
President TaoTao Tano

Friday, April 18, 2008

Who Could it Be??

Marianas Variety
Friday April 18, 2008

No islandwide blackout

SAIPAN will not suffer an islandwide blackout today, according to the Commonwealth Utilities Corp. which announced yesterday that it had secured 3,500 barrels of fuel.

This fuel supply will last until Friday next week.

“We’re safe,” CUC Executive Director Anthony C. Guerrero said in an interview. "I don’t know who’s spreading all the rumors [about an islandwide blackout] but I don’t think that blackout is an option.”

Uhhhh....let's see...

Marianas Variety

Tuesday April 15, 2008

CUC may run out of fuel on Friday

COMMONWEALTH Utilities Corp. Executive Director Anthony C. Guerrero yesterday said the island may be without power on Friday if CUC can’t buy enough fuel.

According to Guerrero, “We have basically six days supply [of fuel] left.”

Gee Mr. Executive Director, after you track down the culprit behind these vicious rumors maybe you and O.J. should team up to find the "real killer".

The Juice's Quote of the Day:

The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making any excuses, that's the day you start to the top.
-O.J. Simpson

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Name That Tune!

...and now back to the silly stuff...

Yeah, you know me, I couldn't stay all downtrodden for too long. Especially not with all the funny stuff out there to keep ya chuckling. A friend sent me this the other day and it was definitely good for a laugh, so of course, I thought why not share with the rest of the world...or at least for the folks who check my blog on a regular basis. So here, for the both of you, is a little something called "Name that Tune!" ...sponsored by Microsoft Office 2007...

Spoken Like A True Alcoholic Quote of the Day:

"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink."

Joe E. Lewis

...and with that, I'm off to Godfathers for happy hour ;-)

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I Got Nothin...

Yeah...I got nothin. I mean I'm really trying to keep lighthearted and upbeat but as of late, it just ain't been happening. I think the constant random power outages are finally starting to get to me. My classroom's been powerless for at least a couple hours every day this week. I went to Garapan last night and the whole town was just dark...and hot, it was kinda sad. Add that to the fact that I just got back from a fantastic vacation in Bali AND the recent news that we PSS teachers may be "furloughed" for the month of August, there's just not a whole lot round here to celebrate. I looked up the word "furlough" in the dictionary and the synonyms were: lay off, unpaid leave, and unemployment...see why I'm having trouble smiling?

There was one bright spot I found today, which actually was what instigated me to write this post. I came across, what I considered, an exceptional quote of the day today and thought to my self "self, you have got to share this quote on your blog" and so I am.

Hold Your Head Up Things Are Bound to Get Better, Optimistic Quote of the Day:
I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
- Mitch Hedberg