Monday, April 21, 2008

HaoHao Haole

So a friend of mine was telling me the other day that he has decided to start a group called HaoHao Haole on island, and well, since its his idea I guess that means he's the president...no, of course there were no elections, but I'm sure all of its members will agree that he should be president. Oh and did I mention that HaoHao Haole represents all the haole's on island. That's right all of the mainlanders in the CNMI will now be represented by the HaoHao Haole group, shoot, you don't even have to be white, see we're not racist, and no...I know you didn't ask for our representation you're just going to get it anyway.

So as the HaoHao Haole spokesperson, that's me, I just appointed myself...see how easy this is...I would like to question the blueness of the sky. That's right those of us on the HaoHao Haole board have decided that the sky over the CNMI has not been blue enough as of late and we feel that this is, of course, the governments fault and that they should look into this situation immediately as it may soon have some adverse effects on our most prized tourist industry.

But please, good haole people of the CNMI, do not think that we the people of the white, have arrived at this conundrum lightly. No, you see, among my many other talents I also happen to be a self appointed expert in sky blueness so I most certainly know what I am talking about when I self-righteously proclaim that God in his infinite wisdom has not made the sky over the CNMI blue enough over the past few weeks. And yes, I do know what a conundundrum is cuz I jus wrote dis myself, der ain't nobody tellin me what 2 rite. ;-)

So...since it's now public knowledge that we, the HaoHao Haole, represent all of the mainlanders on the island, I will be expecting the media to come to me for my most enlightened opinion on anything and everything that is going on anywhere within this good commonwealth. Because as the wise old saying goes "opinions are like haoles they're all assholes and they stink" no...wait...thats not it..."all haoles are opinionated assholes who stink"...hang on, somethings wrong with that one too..."assholes are like a haole's stinking opinion" nope, stilll not it...oh yeah! now I've got it..."opinions are like assholes every haole has one and they all stink"...hmm...that don't look exactly right either...hang on I'll get it....

My Muse and My Inspiration's Quote of the Day:

"Majority of foreigners and human rights advocates in our homeland cried “wolf” and the elephant came."

-Gregorio Cruz Jr.
President TaoTao Tano

9 comments:

The Saipan Blogger アンジェロ・ビラゴメズ said...

This post is racist and I demand that you commit seppuku at dawn.

Bryan said...

You mean you want me to Harry Carry myself? ...But I was just getting ready to intercept the Olympic torch with cries of "Screw Tibet, Free Saipan!" If I'm gone who's gonna take up the cause?

Forgotten said...

You are such a nut! Dats why I love you doh!

Saipan Kat said...

Hilarious! When will you ever be a canary?! By the by, I heard you are our "Thriller" audio guy...

lil_hammerhead said...

I love it.

Anonymous said...

Bryan, your comments are not very funny at all. At least Greg Cruz is doing something. All the Hao Hao Haoles ever do is hang out in their Hao Hao Haole hangouts and never really get to understand the culture and people from the local perspective. I noticed everyone who has responded to your blog has enjoyed it thus far. It must be nice to part of the "White Elite" of Saipan. But, you know, its ok, Say what you want, act how you act, but dont be surprised when someone walks up to anyone of on the street and knocks you flat on your ass. Not every "Haole" is like you.

Rick Jones said...

Hey anonymous, get a sense of humor. It's not good to make a bunch of generalizations about haoles like "all they ever do is hang out, etc....".

Speaking as a respectful haole, maybe you can explain the perspective of a local culture that you seem to think would be fully justified in using violence to knock someone on their ass for having a bit of fun on a blog.

Is this part of the local culture that us "White Elite" just don't get, or is it just a bunch of impotent spouting by someone who doesn't have the guts to post their real name.

Anonymous said...

Greg Cruz is doing something alright -- blaming contract workers and being racially divisive because he is an unemployed, illiterate moron.

lil_hammerhead said...

I want to be part of the "white elite"! Where can I sign up.. and would anyone be able to loan me any of that skin bleaching stuff?