So, here's the question of the day: What's even more better than making fun of Greg Cruz and being a founding member of Hao Hao Haole? Well I'll tell ya...FREE MONEY! Yeah, that's right good (American) citizens of the CNMI we are included in that "lets give everyone a bunch of free cash so they can go out and blow it on stuff they don't need so we can jump start this crappy economy" idea that George and the Congressettes have been singing about.
Is this really such a good idea? you ask...well shhhhh. Number 1, we're only allowed one question of the day and we've already filled our quota, Number 2, I think there's some saying about looking a gift horse in the mouth or something and Number 3, YEAH this sounds like a stupid idea I mean how is giving everyone 600 bucks gonna suddenly restart an economy as mammoth as ours? I mean granted I'm no economist but there just seems to me that there must be some deeper issues than this "here son here's 600 dollars go buy yourself somethin nice...don't spend it all in one place now...but for the love of your country do go and spend it...all of it...like, now." mentality can fix.
It's like G Dubbya and the other Grand Poobahs were all sittin around in the Oval Office one day brainstormin (scary thought I know) about how to fix the nations economic woes when G Dub leans in and says (in your best George Bush accent) "Now listen here, mkay, I've got an idear...ya see...when ever I piss off one of the twins I just give em some cash and they're happier than a polygamist at a Miley Cyrus concert. So, I reckon if we give everyone in America like 600 bucks or somthin then they'll quit they're bitchin" To which everyone in the room heartily agreed.
Sooo, my fellow Americans here's when you can expect your bribe...er, I mean, payoff...no, hush money, wait that has kind of a negative ring to it too...
Ahhh...I've got it, maybe if we give it a sexy name then it will go down easier, cuz everyone knows that sex sells, So here, ladies and gentlemen is the schedule for your Economic Stimulus Act of 2008...meow
And NO, I am not making this chart up, it's directly off of the IRS website, you can check it if you don't believe me.
Top Ten Pieces Of Fatherly Advice From George W. Bush:
(From The Late Show With David Letterman)
"You're coming to me for advice? Okay, that's mistake number one"
"Do as I saying, not as I doing did"
"At school, sit next to one of Dick Cheney's kids and copy off them"
"You can't go through life getting arrested and making as ass out of yourself...just kidding"
"Watch what you eat or you'll bloat up like Al Gore"
"If you ever get in a jam, call my dad -- it's always worked for me"
"Your mother is tired of your idiotic behavior and says you're a disgrace to this family...no, wait, that's what she said about me"
"Remember the motto of my predecessor: it's only a crime if you get caught"
"Never use a fake ID to buy hooch -- that's what secret service guys are for"
"Keep up the good work, girls -- at this rate you'll be president some day"