Wednesday, October 3, 2007

That's One Sexy Green Pepper!

(Oh yeah, turn on your speakers if you haven't yet)

I know it’s hard to believe but it all started when I was actually cooking dinner on Monday. I was cutting up an innocent green pepper when I glanced down at the cutting board and saw this curvaceous and disturbingly erotic piece looking back at me. Now, I’ll admit that it doesn’t compare with Kelli’s new rack but still you must concede that that’s one sexy green pepper!

I swear I did NOT cut it like that on purpose…I honestly just looked down and there she was. I don’t think that I’ll ever look at vegetables the same again.

On A Related Topic…

As though I needed any more proof that vegetarians were weird along comes this story from The Press out of New Zealand. The article talks about a new sexual phenomenon called Vegansexuality.

Vegansexuals are people who do not eat any meat or animal products, and who choose not to be sexually intimate with non-vegan partners whose bodies, they say, are made up of dead animals...

Many female respondents described being attracted to people who ate meat, but said they did not want to have sex with meat-eaters because their bodies were made up of animal carcasses...
What, "I've got a headache" doesn't work anymore? This just sounds like another way to turn a guy down. "I mean I really think you're cute and all but, well, you eat meat so I'm going to have to say no...this doesn't mean we can't still be friends."
Christchurch vegan Nichola Kriek has been married to her vegan husband, Hans, for nine years. She would not describe herself as vegansexual, but said it would definitely be a preference... "When you are vegan or vegetarian, you are very aware that when people eat a meaty diet, they are kind of a graveyard for animals," she said.

What the…are you serious...well if I’m a graveyard for animals what does that make her, a compost heap? I mean come on, I’m pretty sure everyone I’ve ever met was made of meat.

Ok…now in the interest of being fair and at least attempting to give both sides. I did read one persons comment about this where they tried to explain it as an experiment in which an experimenter briefly dipped a dried, sterilized cockroach into a glass of apple juice and then asked people if they would be willing to drink the juice. Most people didn't want to, even though the juice was in no way contaminated.

I suppose it could be the same principle at work in this whole vegansexuality thing. If something really grosses us out, that sense of disgust will spread to anything touched by the offensive object…but I still think its all a load of horseshit…which incidentally is made up entirely of vegetables, maybe these “vegansexuals” would like to…oh, nevermind. This group definitely earns my "WHATEVER" of the Week Award.

Vegetarian Quotes of the Day: (I couldn't pick just one)

"If it screams, it's not food... yet."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"I love animals... they're delicious."
"If animals were not meant to be eaten, why are they made of meat ?"
"If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat ?"
"Do vegetarians hate plants ?"
"Would vegetarians eat carrots if they had faces ?"
"The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me." George Bernard Shaw (1856—1950), Irish dramatist and critic. Explaining why he had turned down an invitation to a vegetarian gala dinner.

If you have any of your own feel free to share it with us.


Beth and Luke said...

It's things like that...that make us miss you back in the States!! :)

KelliOnSaipan said...

Ok, I have to stick up for us vegetarians a bit. I have no stats here, but I'm guessing you have mighty few vegetarian diabetics, heart disease victims, obese persons, or stroke victims. But that's another topic. I look at it this way, we were meant to eat veggies, the cows eat veggies, and meat eaters eat recycled veggies. Ha. Just kidding. But yes, very sexy green pepper. And wow, you were actually cutting up veggies to eat - cool.

Lewie Tenorio said...

That's funny stuff. Next thing you know, we'll be hearing about you running neked through someones green pepper garden.

EJ said...

just linked you to my site. your name is Godfather Bryan. hah

Rick Jones said...

How about these two -
PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals - I have a T-Shirt with this on it, used to wear it back in the States when doing bbq contests.

Also: There's room for all of God's creatures - right next to the mashed potatoes and vegetables