Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Adventures of a Thristy Man in Tokyo

One morning in Tokyo I awoke with a severe case of the cottonmouth (probably from one too many Asahi’s the night prior) and decided that I needed to find myself something refreshing to drink like pronto. So out into the bustling city streets I ventured determined to slay my thirst, and fast.

The closest promise of relief was a nearby vending machine to which I dashed eager to soothe my arid throat, only to have my hopes shattered by a vending machine full of a drink called Calpis. “Calpis?” I said aloud. Somehow, even in my dehydrated state, a dairy based drink by the name of Calpis just wasn’t going to happen.

Next it was on to plan B, the quaint little café on the corner. I walked straight in and went promptly to the section of the overhead menu which said “Soft Drink”.

Even though the English was a tad off, my body figured out pretty quickly what “Alcools” was and my head, tongue and stomach shouted “don’t you dare!” in unison. Ok, on to the soft drinks then, lets see Cola…nah…Ginger Ale…maybe…Milk,…wha? When did milk become a soft drink and who drinks it either hot or with ice? Ah well, either way that was not near as startling as the next choice…Flesh Juice…ok, now I’m not thirsty anymore I’m just scared. Hey, why’s everyone looking at the gaijin (Japanese for foreigner) so strange? Ok, I’m outta here.

As I beat a hasty retreat from Gruesome Café what to my wondering eyes should appear but the familiar orange and green bars of your friendly neighborhood 7-11, ahh…home. Those feelings of being back where I belong quickly faded however as I strolled to the back of the store and laid eyes on a drink called Pocari Sweat. Hmm, a drink called sweat, oh well I’m desperate now, I just hope it tastes better than it sounds.

Gee, I am still pretty thirsty, well since I am counting my calories and all I suppose I’d better try one of these new Diet waters, after all it does promise half the calories but all that great water taste you’ve come to know and love.

Whew, finally, I was able to stave off a slow agonizing death by dehydration…now I gotta pee…but where oh where will I ever find a toilet?

Ok, now I just feel like I’m chasing my tail. Man, all this running in circles has made me famished, I need to get something to eat….but no, that’s a story for another day.

Japanese Bread Wrapper Quote of the Day:

"Take me home, let's make happy in your basket!"


Boni said...

If water has zero calories, diet water has?

Beth and Luke said...

"Go back towards your behind??" Fabulous!!

Pragmatic Plato said...

Boycott Porky's!


bradinthesand said...

fyi: 'calpis' was re-branded in english-speaking markets as 'calpico' because of the way the name sounds to us.

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