Friday, February 22, 2008


Y'all might remember about a year ago when there was a little bit of talk going around about the Congresswoman from Guam, Madeline Bordallo, appearing on the Colbert Report. Well, seeing as our television schedule with the consumer friendly monopoly KMCV is so assbackwards I was able to hear all about the program and then sit down and actually watch it a week later, and let me just say folks...I cried.

I mean seriously...I was laughing so hard there were tears of sheer laughter running down my face. It has to be one of the best Colbert reports that ole Steven has ever done, you could tell he was just "on" as he was interviewing her. So here in a "Whatever" blog exclusive (seriously you can't find this anywhere else) I proudly present to you the Colbert report on Guamania.

The other thing that cracks me up about this is that, being someone who's lived out here for some time now, I've had many similar conversations with people that went something like this when talking about where I lived. Whether it be on the plane, at family gatherings or when trying to rent a car with my homemade looking drivers license...the look of "'re part of the States!?" appears without fail.

But the reality is that the average American Joe on the street has no IDEA where or who we are out here, as can be evidenced by Colbert's comment that there are 4 "protectorates". I'm assuming those would be Guam, American Samoa, Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands. Apparently the CNMI didn't make the list. But you know what...all things considered I'm totally cool with that cuz I love telling people about Saipan. I sat next to a guy on a flight back in October when I went home for a week and he just seemed so intrigued to learn about our island, we must have talked about the CNMI for the whole four hour flight from Richmond to Minneapolis. And towards the end of the trip when I asked him about what it was like in his home state of South Dakota all he could say was "well it's not near as interesting as Siam".

So yeah, granted, we still got some PR to do but, for me at least, its a labor of love. :-)

Pacific Island Jokes of the Day:

A Chamorro man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only Chamorro man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The Chamorro man turned around and stood up.
He then said: "Listen here par - when I was born, I was BROWN,"
When I grew up, I was BROWN,
When I'm sick, I'm BROWN,
When I'm cold, I'm BROWN,
When I die, I'll be BROWN."
But lania brat, you are something different...
"When you're born, you're PINK,
When you grow up, you're WHITE,
When you're sick, you're GREEN,
When you go in the sun, you turn RED,
When you're cold, you turn BLUE,
And when you die, you turn PURPLE."

Two Chamorro women are walking down the street. One notices A compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second says, "Here, let me see!" So the first one hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!""

" A Chuukese, A Yapese and a Pohnpeian were in a car. Who was driving????
Answer: A DPS Officer.. "

Ok, you gotta admit these are funny but if you are offended please don't be mad at me I didn't write them so send your hate mail here


The Saipan Blogger アンジェロ・ビラゴメズ said...

Will someone tell Wendy Doromal that Stephen Colbert says we're not American?

kilili said...

Mrs. Bordallo has class, always had class, even in this hilarious interview.

Thanks Bryan.

Anonymous said...

This was classic. Another great post, Bryan!

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lil_hammerhead said...

Bordallo's people tried to spin it afterwards and say that she was just playing along and new what she was doing. :)She was a dear in the headlights.

That was one of the funniest "get to know a.." on the Colbert show.

bradinthesand said...

i saw this like forever ago but it still makes me laugh...oh, and that first joke you posted sucks.

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Anonymous said...

Stupid dumb fucks always talk about guam like we're a foreign country... but they go to Guam and never leave..!smh.GUAM 671 forever