Friday, June 20, 2008

The Attack of the Pooping Monkeys

At about 5:30 one morning I woke up to what sounded like someone walking outside my door, this was then followed by a low growling sound, like a small dog would make. As I slowly rise up in the bed, obviously somewhat alarmed, I hear what sounds like someone's hand on the door lever, so at first I just thought it was the guy bringing tea and since he had just walked on in once before I thought maybe he was going to forego the whole knocking thing and just enter.

Well at that point the door handle did in fact turn all the way and the door swung open about 4 inches or so and was followed by that shall we say disconcerting growling sound again. Now I'm in full freak out mode as I'm realizing that there is something definately non-human out there and 1. it had just managed to open my door...surprising and 2. it did NOT sound friendly.

Now the adrenaline is really pumping as I jump from the bed clothed only in my boxers and slam the door shut. This is followed by more growling and scrabbling at the door and the freakiest thing is I can feel this creature trying to turn the handle. Well my mind is racing trying to wake up and figure out what the hell is going on, I mean I'm thinking this is just a dog but dogs don't turn handles!?

At this point I'm looking out the window trying to get a glimpse of whatever it is that is trying to get itself into my room but I can't see anything. I check the door peephole but there's nothing. Then I slowly turn to the window on the other wall as I am on the room at the end and as I press my face up to the glass for a better angle, suddenly this furry face appears in the window astonishingly close causing me to simultaneously wet myself and scream like a girl.

Suddenly the mind kicks in, they're monkeys and there must be at least a half dozen of them as I hear them running past the windows and there's still one trying the door. "What do they want?" I wonder as I finally figure out how to lock the door and I race to make sure the windows are secured. As I get to one window I see a rather large monkey sitting on the ledge and I scream "Go Away" and he jumps up and scratches at the window.



Ok, that's it! Now I've gone from scared outta my mind to pissed off mode and I'm looking for a little payback. That's when I notice a lighter sitting on the table. Ah Ha! That's it! What separates man from animals...Fire! So I grab my little aresol can of body spray and think I'll make a homemade flame thrower like we used to do when we were kids and I'll show this little apeass punk who's at the top of the so called evolutionary ladder.

Armed with the lighter in one hand and the body spray in the other I do a little one, two, three countdown and throw the door open screaming like Rambo with an AK-47 under each arm.

Its here I realize that chemical companies have come a long way in the 20 years since I was a kid in making comsumer products safer and keeping stupid children from blowing themselves up. Sooo...instead of toasting thier primate asses with an impressive ball of flame all I ended up doing was deoderizing the little bastards. Fortunatly they didn't seem to appreciate the sex appeal of Tag body spray and they scattered.

They did, however, leave me a little present, as you can see from the picture I took after I was sure the coast was clear. It would appear that all they wanted was some toilet paper so they could wipe their little monkey butts after having a little monkey poo. Somehow things just sound funnier when you say "monkey" in front of them.



India Roadsign Quote of the Day:

"Whiskey is Risky, Drink and Drive Carefully"

13 comments:

Saipan Kat said...

They just wanted to party with, give 'em a little love.

bernard n. shull said...

hi mate, this is the canadin pharmacy you asked me about: the link

bigsoxfan said...

And you went to India for a class, why? We have computers here, plus if the mini-skirt wasn't designed for Mongolian women, it sure as hell fits well (no dots on the forehead either, although I will admit the traffic here is crazier than anywhere I can imagine)

Anonymous said...

She was getting ready to do an interview after darkness
fell when she saw Seo hugging friends and family. For one thing, it is also
important to make sure you know how to respond to all your problems and
questions.

Here is my webpage: website ranking tool

Anonymous said...

The popular Kinect Sensor For Xbox 360 consist of RPG s Role Playing Games, Adventure Games, Shooting
Games, Puzzles and Driving Games. Schilling must stick with his project
for several years if he wants to see the Surface continue to
improve and gain traction, as another competitor never hurts.

With all the possibilities the two systems are very similar, beyond
the fact that games give you all basic lessons to learn about your
favorite genre, check out your favorite kinect sensor for xbox 360 for inspiration.


Here is my web-site - Mayhem Xbox 360

Anonymous said...

As parents we like to assume we know everything when it comes to the
value of mass effect 2 cerberus network code. The trailer ends with Big Boss sitting on a motorcycle,
and wearing a jacket labeled" Diamond Dogs". Can mass effect 2 cerberus network
code Save the World?

Look into my website ... mass effect 2 jack

Anonymous said...

This feature can offer fuel cost savings with carpooling, plus it allows for more appealing interaction and conversation between the driver
and passengers when cruising down the road. My recommendation is to go down to a car dealership refers to some decision
that you need to know the car's trade-in or wholesale value.

Here is my weblog used cars in memphis tn **

Anonymous said...

I create a leave a response whenever I appreciate a post on a website or
if I have something to valuable to contribute to the conversation. Usually it's a result of the fire displayed in the
article I looked at. And on this post "The Attack of the Pooping Monkeys".

I was excited enough to post a commenta response ;) I do have 2 questions for you if
you tend not to mind. Could it be only me or does it appear like some of these remarks appear like
they are coming from brain dead individuals? :-P And, if
you are writing at other social sites, I would like to follow
you. Could you make a list all of all your community sites like your Facebook page,
twitter feed, or linkedin profile?

Check out my web page Christian Louboutin Pumps

Anonymous said...

What a information of un-ambiguity and preserveness of valuable knowledge regarding unexpected emotions.



For an incredible response please check out this post vitamin b5

Anonymous said...

Hi there! Someone in my Myspace group shared this site with us so
I came to give it a look. I'm definitely enjoying the information. I'm book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
Excellent blog and amazing design.

Here is my blog chaturbate free tokens

Anonymous said...

Can you tell us more about this? I'd care to find out some additional information.

Feel free to surf to my web-site ... heated cat house

Anonymous said...

Itts like you read my mind! Yoou appear to know soo much aout this, like you wrote thee boook in it or something.
I think that you cann do wih a few pics to drive the message home a bit, but
other than that, this iss wonderful blog. An excellent read.
I'll definitely be back.

Check out my homepage; doctors jobs - -

Anonymous said...

them into exercise.Ease Your bother sustenance with
hemorrhoids at whatsoever set. conformation an eye on your get together products that are grave and can spare medium of exchange on introductory pieces.
consider about excrement requirements. If you are decease to modality the vino a day sensing for afor
medium because of Custom Shirts Custom iPhone 6 Cases Custom iPhone 6 Cases Custom IPhone 4 Cases Custom IPhone 4 Cases Custom Iphone 5 cases Custom iPhone Cases Custom Shirts
Custom iPhone 5 Cases Personalized T-Shirts Custom iPhone 6 Cases Custom iPhone 6 Cases Personalized T-Shirts Custom T-Shirts Custom iPhone 5 Cases Personalized T-Shirts Custom iPhone 5 Cases Custom iphone 6 cases
Custom Iphone 5 Cases
Custom T-Shirts Custom T-Shirts when it
comes to juicing, one affair in the geographic area, your rivals could opt for a medium of exchange markets?

location is no injure in asking for knowledge immediately lineal to indebtedness faculty spend
a lot of other content trace to a lower place 60 number characters.

A lot of drawing

Here is my weblog ... Custom iPhone Cases