We're in the No Smoking Section...for now

Like a chain smoker in a family restaurant our fuming neighbor to the north continues to spew forth its debris. And depending on the omniscient forces of the winds we either suffer in its cloud or breathe easy under clear skies. Fortunately the prevailing breezes have been on our side for the past week or so and we have remained blissfully unaware of the maelstrom to our north.

NASA however, did take notice of our resident volcano and even went so far as to photograph it from space and do a little write up about it. Perhaps this picture will help to clarify what I was talking about in my Saipan Stinks post regarding the odoriferous volcanic haze.

Image Acquired: March 05, 2008

Activity on Anatahan
On March 5, 2008, the plume from the Anatahan Volcano appeared to intensify. The Moderate Resolution Imaging Spectroradiometer (MODIS) on NASA’s Terra satellite took this picture the same day. One day earlier, the plume blew away from the volcano toward the northeast. On March 5, the plume hovered over the volcano’s summit, thick enough to completely hide the volcanic island from view. The plume’s position in this image could result from a wind shift, or a burst of volcanic activity shortly before the satellite passed overhead.

If you click on the picture it will take you to a MUCH larger version which shows a surprising amount of detail. I was also impressed with how clearly our beautiful turquoise lagoon shows up from space.

Random One-Liner of the Day:

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Saipan Stinks!

NOOO...don't worry, I'm not trying to start Saipan bashing like whoever that guy is over at the Saipan sucks website. I'm actually being quite literal, for the past couple of days Saipan has truly stunk and anyone who lives here will wholeheartedly agree with me on this. It smells like a 75-year-old man's ass who eats nothing but eggs for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The Saipan Tribune referred to it in today's paper as "The characteristic smell of sulfur-like rotting eggs and an open sewer." Nice one Ferdie!

Ok, I'll stop being so cryptic, the real reason Saipan smells so bad at the moment is because we have a volcano about 75 miles to the north of us, called Anatahan, which apparently has eaten some bad Mexican food. It's been spewing forth a noxious combination of gases which, thanks to the recently prevailing winds, have been flowing right over our lovely little slice of paradise.

(oops...sorry Angelo, I forgot I'm supposed to be doing my part for tourism...
..don't reckon this is helping much...)

Here's a picture of the "volcanic haze" which has been stinking up the place.
I totally stole this off of the Saipan Tribune website...nice shot though Jackie, I love the sign!

But, in an attempt to see the glass as half full, there are some silver linings to this gray cloud of stench. For one, you can now feel free to fart with impunity. Or at least you no longer have to worry about blaming it on the cat. I mean think about it, if the whole place smells like one big air biscuit then who's going to notice if you just let a little butt burp off the leash? That is, of course, assuming you're skillful enough to keep the noise level down.

The other bright side to this revolves around this whole argument of geological validation which I was trying to explain to my wife. She, like most women, has what seems to me an almost aberrant phobia of flatulence. And the point I was trying to make, while out on our balcony engulfed in it's perfume, was that if even mother Earth gets gas which she must expel from time to time then its only natural that we humans should feel free to do so as well.

I don't think she bought it...although I do think she believes that truly was the volcano which just blew through here a second ago...sweet...

Fun Fart Facts of the Day:

(Oh you just knew I was gonna do something like this)

What makes farts stink?
The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and skatole in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more sulfides and skatole will be produced by the bacteria in your guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods such as cauliflower, eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly farts, whereas beans produce large amounts of not particularly stinky farts.

Why do farts make noise?
The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. Sounds depend on the velocity of expulsion of the gas and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of the anus.

How much gas does a normal person pass per day?
On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts.

Is it true that some people never fart?
No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death.

Do even movie stars fart?
Yes, of course. So do grandmothers, priests, kings, presidents, opera singers, beauty queens, and nuns. Even Yoda farts.

Do men fart more than women?
No, women fart just as much as men. It's just that most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender.

At what time of day is a gentleman most likely to fart?
A gentleman is mostly likely to fart first thing in the morning, while in the bathroom. This is known as "morning thunder," and if the gentleman gets good resonance, it can be heard throughout the household.

(and you thought I was gonna post something sweet for Valentines Day didn't you? Well...SIKE!)